The fuss over the Beard or the Clean look

Taking it from a friends statement on his life and replacing it with a word more apt for me-

“I am CHAOS personified”

Walking out of the gates of NIT Surat for the last time and entering a world I tried and escaped from, all my life.

A similar feeling- When it was time for Pre-boards exams in 12^th, because all I feared was that hanging out with friends would reduce, will miss the lunch time gossips, will die without having a glimse of the girl I had a crush on, pressure of expectations, sudden fact of not being good at studies hitting you hard when you see the results and above all- to justify my decision of taking up Science despite of tremendous pressure from family and Extended Family.

A similar feeling- When it was time for the tests for National Institute of Design (NID), my only attempt to try and pursue something of my interest before I am pushed into either my dad’s business or to take up a run-of-the-mill degree course such as Engineering (I thank ONE of the FEW right decisions taken by me to quit Biology, else I would have ended up having more options where OPTIONS is directly proportional to CONFUSION).

A similar feeling- When I came back after appearing for my All India Engineering Entrance Examination (AIEEE) and called up all my friends to check if they had fared as bad (and they had not), staying back home locked up in my room when all friends were enjoying a free day after a long time, random surfing of institutes providing Design or Mass Communication courses, my last resort to run away from home.

A similar feeling- When the 10 days workshop at MICA (Mudra Institute of Communication) was almost over and I was giving a presentation on my Action plan for next 5 years (at 2 AM), though I knew I never had the guts of achieving any of the listed goals. This was the place I first felt like a true cartoonist, a chance of meeting people who were already making jingles, few who were already working for journals, and getting an appreciation from such guys actually helped me come up with the idea of DODO (a cartoon character) and his story. But the fame of being the only cartoonist among the 30 odd people was momentary.

A similar feeling- When after the first year in Engineering itself, I thought that the course would in no way help me to achieve what I wanted (though I am still not sure what, but I am sure it’s not related to Engineering, whatever it might turn out to be), still hoping the next three years would pass better than the first or the way Steve Jobs would put it-“Trusting that the dots would connect someday”.

A similar feeling- When after my 2^nd year all my friends were trying to get an internship/training into some technical organization and I called up some friends of mine and got an internship at “Mudra Advertising”, running around in crowded streets of Old Ahmedabad persuading Electrical shop owners to allow me to take pictures of some particular kind of tube-lights, catching strangers in parks/gym and interviewing them about their health habits, meeting owners of the restaurants where a particular kind of newly launched mineral water brand was served, to allow me to talk to their customers. After sometime I was loving it but then it was over and I was back to Engineering.

A similar feeling- When after the 3^rd year I realized that the part of being an organizer of a college event was over and I am no more expected to put up any banners and break my leg doing that, not to decide on the designs and the look of the event, not sitting cross-legged in front of a manager of a expected sponsor and persuading him to agree to our demands and heeding to none of his, not having any juniors cribbing about the work I gave them but at the end appreciating the final outcome.

A similar feeling- When suddenly you receive a mail from a school friend of yours about her getting engaged the next weekend and then it strikes you that you are as old as her and its about time to take Life as seriously and accept your parents still taking your decisions about life. The fear of seizure of the aimless wanderings and meetings I so loved.

And now it’s a similar feeling where I am almost a year experienced working in an IT company, have managed to fool myself and others in believing that I am doing good work and I am getting good work. There is again a fear of losing the trust you developed among your colleagues, a responsibility which forced you to get up at 8 in the morning, a desk which you decorated with some of your designs, some certificates and a toy basketball game, the 2 tea times with colleagues where you gossip about topics ranging from your manager to the hot chicks in Infosys.

I might not have learnt much in these “similar feelings” (because I still make the same mistakes of developing an attachment with all I meet and feeling sad after loosing them) but these sure are a few moments in my life which I find worth capturing because I just hope there’ll be less chaos at some point where the dots would actually connect and bring out the wannabe ROCKSTAR in me and I might forget all these and lose an opportunity of having a good laugh at myself. Till that time comes I still wish to keep wondering about less important things in Life-does CLEAN SHAVE or a BEARD looks better on me. ;)